"I sent you a macaroni necklace or a water color every day I was in rehab!"
"Jobs are not the sex...unless you're a hooker."
"The doctors said I could never get pregnant...but I was late, so I pissed on the end of my iPhone. And it was positive! Thank you, Apple.!"
"We're all in the gutter...but some of us are looking at the top shelf liquor."
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Get the fuck out, I have mirrors for that.
Names have been changed to protect the famously unashamed.
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