the continuing saga of blonde commentary

I always thought money shot was like a hole in one, or like in duck hunt? You know? The money shot!

2 True 2 Type

M: you ever think maybe we just attribute all physical discomfort to hangover? its taken the place of illness in our vocabulary

Death, like bed, is for chumps.

J:i will follow you into the dark
oh man
im going to cry
promise me if i die in an untimely way, you will make sure this song plays at my funeral
K: i will!
J: i probably shouldn't tell you this
as my number 1 chance of dying is drunk in a car with you

No point in avoiding the issue.

J: We're going to put your ashes in a bottle of Jaeger and put it behind your favorite bar
K: Ok!

You're just that into you.

Kristin: He has a prized personality
Kristin: I mean he's not on par with ________(insert Mairead/prized male personality du jour), but no one is besides you, and you're female. But if you were male, I'd do ya in a heartbeat
Jenna: and i would use a condom
Jenna: hahahahahaha
Kristin: HAHAHAHAHHAHAH
Jenna: is it sad that i laugh at my own jokes

Sunday in the park with tequilla.

"Well, we are on our fifth daytime margarita, so you're going to have to go through that again and be a bit clearer."

Game.com

"You didn't even get his number? That is the most unsuccessful hookup story I've ever heard...and I have erectile dysfunction."

drunks and whores, boston's full of em!

"t-mobile is so ridiculous. when i try to spell slut, why does it think i want to say plutocracy? when will i ever send that in a text message? riddle me that, t-mobile."

STABLED!

"when i met you, i said my name is reese. you look like a chick that would give me a piece."

"You're like a softcore Goldilocks."

Prized Nuggets

"I sent you a macaroni necklace or a water color every day I was in rehab!"

"Jobs are not the sex...unless you're a hooker."

"The doctors said I could never get pregnant...but I was late, so I pissed on the end of my iPhone. And it was positive! Thank you, Apple.!"

"We're all in the gutter...but some of us are looking at the top shelf liquor."